I’ve known long before I came to India, that most people here have strong body odor. Please don’t get me wrong, I have friends form India who are some of the nicest people I’ve met, and are very good with their hygiene. Until this fuck-face idiot moved into my fraternity (We rent out rooms to non-members if they are vacant, and never had any problems). The reason I call this guy a fuck stick is because he was (was, as I’ve graduated and moved on) a PhD candidate, and said he was okay with the noise. Only after he moved in, he started bitching about everything – that’s a different story. I hope that son of a bitch gets something really big rammed up his ass on a regular basis.
Back to the story, that idiot from Calcutta (now Kolkata) was my first encounter with a smell-bad-Indian. I swear, we could tell if he had been in a room half hour after he left, just by the pungent odor he left behind. Back to current state in India… I’ve always thought that maybe it’s because the spices from the food (many of which are quite delicious) that caused the odor. I’ve learnt by observing store shelves, that deodorant is the least sought after item here. So, I told myself, that it’s the culture… one doesn’t judge a man for his bad odor, rather it’s the person they admire and adore (or hate).
I was sitting at the outdoor smoking section at the corporate campus in India where I have to be for the next few months, inhaling nicotine in hopes that the smell of tobacco will help me counter the potent smell that lingers all over the building, having random thoughts about life, alcohol, breasts, a juicy steak… a couple of Bees broke my chain of thought. I noticed that all of us from Minnesota were constantly harassed by the Bees, while our Indian counterparts enjoyed the serene weather – not a single insect around them. Never gave much thought to it until this gynormous Bee started to hover right in front of my eyes, while his buddies (a few other Bees) were scouting around me.
BAM!!! It hit me like the apple hit Sir Isaac Newton’s head! I had a hypothesis that answered my queries surrounding pungency and deodorant! It’s not the cost of deodorant, or the culture… it’s the Bees that makes a lot of people in India smell, well… quite pungent! It all added up! I understood why there was a gigantic Bee Hive right outside the building, and not a single Bee ever flew in through the open air structure! People in India don’t use deodorant to keep Bees at bay! After all, who wants to get stung by a Bee? The combined smell of armpits forms some sort of giant invisible protection around the building, allowing open building structures, without the need for a screen around it.
“Every action has an equal and opposite reaction” – this armpit phenomenon is no exception from Newton’s law. The smelly armpits keep the Bees from stinging native Indians, and, as Newton’s law suggests, visitors like me gets stung in the nostrils. Don’t believe me? Go to your nearest Indian grocery store, and walk around. When your nose stings and you start to wonder if it’s from leftover mustard gas from the 1st World War, it is the opposite reaction of the natural Bee repellant. Who needs Deet when you have armpit?
Disclaimer: Yes, I am a bit frustrated by some things here in India, and the fuck stick I talked about. I want to reiterate that India is a wonderful place, and have some of the most brilliant and nicest people. I hold no grudge against anyone in any shape or form (Except for that fuck stick named Shankar [may his asshole be abused] that moved into our fraternity house and threw a bitch feat). However, the armpit business has to go! Cultures evolve; it’s about that time deodorant use becomes accepted in India.
Back to the story, that idiot from Calcutta (now Kolkata) was my first encounter with a smell-bad-Indian. I swear, we could tell if he had been in a room half hour after he left, just by the pungent odor he left behind. Back to current state in India… I’ve always thought that maybe it’s because the spices from the food (many of which are quite delicious) that caused the odor. I’ve learnt by observing store shelves, that deodorant is the least sought after item here. So, I told myself, that it’s the culture… one doesn’t judge a man for his bad odor, rather it’s the person they admire and adore (or hate).
I was sitting at the outdoor smoking section at the corporate campus in India where I have to be for the next few months, inhaling nicotine in hopes that the smell of tobacco will help me counter the potent smell that lingers all over the building, having random thoughts about life, alcohol, breasts, a juicy steak… a couple of Bees broke my chain of thought. I noticed that all of us from Minnesota were constantly harassed by the Bees, while our Indian counterparts enjoyed the serene weather – not a single insect around them. Never gave much thought to it until this gynormous Bee started to hover right in front of my eyes, while his buddies (a few other Bees) were scouting around me.
BAM!!! It hit me like the apple hit Sir Isaac Newton’s head! I had a hypothesis that answered my queries surrounding pungency and deodorant! It’s not the cost of deodorant, or the culture… it’s the Bees that makes a lot of people in India smell, well… quite pungent! It all added up! I understood why there was a gigantic Bee Hive right outside the building, and not a single Bee ever flew in through the open air structure! People in India don’t use deodorant to keep Bees at bay! After all, who wants to get stung by a Bee? The combined smell of armpits forms some sort of giant invisible protection around the building, allowing open building structures, without the need for a screen around it.
“Every action has an equal and opposite reaction” – this armpit phenomenon is no exception from Newton’s law. The smelly armpits keep the Bees from stinging native Indians, and, as Newton’s law suggests, visitors like me gets stung in the nostrils. Don’t believe me? Go to your nearest Indian grocery store, and walk around. When your nose stings and you start to wonder if it’s from leftover mustard gas from the 1st World War, it is the opposite reaction of the natural Bee repellant. Who needs Deet when you have armpit?
Disclaimer: Yes, I am a bit frustrated by some things here in India, and the fuck stick I talked about. I want to reiterate that India is a wonderful place, and have some of the most brilliant and nicest people. I hold no grudge against anyone in any shape or form (Except for that fuck stick named Shankar [may his asshole be abused] that moved into our fraternity house and threw a bitch feat
1 comment:
You're the best Khaled!! I haven't laughed this hard in a while!
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